Are You Holding Yourself Back and Playing Small?

I used to think it would motivate me if I noticed and reminded myself of everything I was doing wrong – how I was falling short, how I could do better, what I could have said differently. You know, replaying past scenarios over and over in my mind to punctuate how I fell short. I didn’t waste time either, anytime was a good time to remind myself. 

It didn’t work. Oh, I definitely got results and was successful, but at a cost. Not allowing myself to believe in how powerful I truly am, kept me drained, flat, unhappy, and well, small. 

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

Nelson Mandela

 Are you living a life “less than the one you are capable of”? 

 These are some common ways we keep ourselves small. See if any sound familiar to you.

•  Deny compliments and don’t allow yourself to believe them

• Discount successes so you don’t feel too good about yourself

• Fear of appearing egotistical if you talk about your strengths

• Shrink yourself energetically so that other people will feel more comfortable around you

• Put yourself down when talking to other people

• Feel you don’t deserve the things you want or dream about

• Stay in relationships and jobs that aren’t making you happy

• Feel like the world is against you

• Avoid conflict

• Procrastinate the very things that will get you closer to your dreams

• Mindlessly browse the web

• Compare yourself to anyone who you perceive is better in some way 

• Seek approval and validation from others

• Tend to be a perfectionist

• Compare yourself to others to see how you fall short or appear better

• Feel like you never fit in

• Feel invisible

• Don’t speak up if it might upset someone

When we spend our energy finding all the ways we aren’t good enough, we don’t have the energy to follow what fascinates and energizes us. We don’t have the capacity to follow our bliss.

I coach brilliant women. Women who are dedicated, smart and committed to making a difference in the world. Yet they are stuck and don’t feel ready to take on that next big thing because they are focused on how they aren’t good enough more than how they are enough. So, they are waiting until they feel ready. 

Ten ways to own your magnificence and stop playing small

1. Don’t wait until you are ready. Don’t wait until what you are creating is perfect. Don’t wait until you get permission. Jump in and learn as you go. Perfect is the enemy of done. Good is good enough.

2. Remember that failure is essential to success. Instead of trying to avoid making mistakes and failing, successful people actively seek opportunities where they can face the limits of their skills and knowledge so that they can learn quickly. They understand that feeling afraid or underprepared is a sign of being in the space for optimal growth and is all the more reason to press ahead. Failures mean that you are putting yourself out there! The most significant accomplishments always arise out of failures. 

3. Believe in your big dream and commit to it. Decide once and for all that you are going to do this, starting now.

4. Envision the outcome. Imagine what your dream, whether it’s a promotion, a new career or a business you want to launch or grow, will look like and feel like as specifically as you can. Feel it and experience it has if it’s already happened.

5. Notice your inner critic, the voice that is telling you all the reasons you can’t do it, aren’t ready or qualified enough. Then do it anyway. That voice is trying to keep you safe and it’s time for you to give it a pat on the shoulder and say, “It’s okay, I’ve got this.” Isn’t your happiness worth taking the risk of going after what you want despite the voice that is trying to keep you small?

6. Let go of needing to be the good girl that makes everyone else happy. It’s time for you to do what you need to do, even if it doesn’t please everyone. You cannot sacrifice your genius to make someone else happy, it never works.

7. Get comfortable with discomfort. Anything important that makes us stretch and growth has an element of discomfort and fear associated with it. Staying comfortable will not get you what you want. Fear is normal when you are stretching, so feel the fear and do it anyway.

8. Break the big goals down into small actionable steps that you can get done easily and enjoy doing. If it feels too daunting, break it down into smaller steps.

9. Celebrate every step (and I mean EVERY step!) that you complete. Reward yourself with things you love that delight your senses – listen to music or the birds singing outside, watch the clouds or the sunset, smell flowers, snuggle with your dog, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, take a bath, get a hug. This step is essential to keeping that critical voice quiet as well as rejuvenating and recharging you.

10. Avoid comparing yourself to anyone else. No one, and I mean no one has your unique array of gifts, talents and experiences. So just do YOU. There’s nobody alive who can be you better than you. So never aim to be just like someone else. It’s a waste of a perfectly good you.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Dr. Seuss

 Whether you’re posting your artwork online, telling a friend the truth of how you feel even though she may get angry or hurt, raising your hand to speak up in meetings, expressing your needs to your partner, showing your kids that you value yourself enough to take time for you, or self-publishing that book you’ve been working on, these acts of bravery will build your self-confidence. 

Playing small doesn’t serve the world. You were born for greatness. You were born with unique and beautiful gifts. Don’t wait until you’re ready. The world needs you now.

I believe in you.

Tricia

* * * * *

BEGIN THE IMPORTANT WORK OF YOUR LIFE: 

Schedule a free 30-minute consult. Are you ready to live into your full potential? Let’s talk about what needs to change for you to do that. Schedule a complimentary 30-min consultation here:  Schedule Your Discovery Session

Upcoming articles:

• Authentic Leadership

• Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

• The Impact of Your Brand

• The Self Integrity of Boundaries

• Creating a Culture that Changes Lives

I would love to hear from you. Please share your comments below. In what ways are you holding yourself back? What would it look like for you to play big?

You can respond below or email me directly at tricia@triciaacheatel.com

Tricia Acheatel has been supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for over 30 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical mindset and business development tools that teach women how to find the courage to live their authentic and brilliant lives. 

From her combined experience – as a corporate executive, business owner and coach, herbalist/healer, life coach, author, life designer, success team leader, and teacher – Tricia brings wisdom, intuition, compassion, and clarity to her work. Her clients and students access newfound clarity, resilience, freedom, inspiration, and the knowledge necessary to launch their dreams.

The WHY of Your Core Motivation

Life Envisioning for 2019 – Part 4 of 4

* * * * * 

It probably won’t come as a surprise to you when I tell you that pushing yourself to be motivated doesn’t work. Any of us can remember committing to being healthier, exercising more, losing weight, daily meditation, or cutting back on social media, and being better for a while but then falling off. So, we revert into our old patterns and feel defeated. Only to feel like things will never change.

How might this year be the one that is different, the year that you create what you most desire? 

Human beings have an average of about 70,000 thoughts per day. Some 90% of them are the same thoughts as the day before. The same thoughts create the same choices which yield the same behaviors, the same experiences and ultimately the same emotions. It’s easy to see then why if we don’t change our thoughts, it becomes very hard to change our lives.

When considering your goals for 2019, let’s examine your core motivation, the deep desire within you that is yearning for a different emotional experience of life. This is your why.

Thinking about being motivated doesn’t create motivation.

Let’s first establish the foundational principles of behavioral change:

·      Our thoughts are the language of the brain.

·      Our feelings are the language of the body and describe how we are experiencing life. The body is the emotional barometer that shows us our thoughts. 

·      Felt emotion comes from thought. 

·      New experience is a result of our behavior matching our intention. 

·      Our established identity and its associated beliefs change when we think in new ways.

Neuroscience research has shown that when we create an emotional feeling state that matches what we desire, we create the neural hardware in the brain that makes the action automatic when practiced over and over. So rather than thinking ourselves into motivation, we must experience the feeling of what we desire as if it has already happened. This then creates the neural pathways in the brain that will facilitate the necessary action steps.

We feel the way we think and we think the way we feel. To change yourself or your life, the thought must be combined with the felt emotion in the body of what you most desire – inspiration, abundance, worthiness, empowerment, love, wealth, success, health, wholeness, or whatever it is you yearn for. 

There are four critical steps:  

1)   Get clear about WHY you desire this outcome. This is the deep emotional connection to the outcome. For example, let’s say you want to lose 20 pounds. You might say that you want this because you want to look good for your high school reunion. Let’s go deeper. Why do you want to look good for your high school reunion? Perhaps it’s because you want to feel accepted in way that you never were in high school. What would that feel like for you? Getting to the deeper why allows you to access the feeling state that you are desiring from achieving the goal.

2)   Imagine the outcome. We must believe in the future that we cannot yet see. Accessing the feeling of what you most desire builds the neural hardware in your brain as if it has already happened. To convince your body emotionally of the health, wealth, career, relationship, or joy that you desire, you must believe in this outcome. Imagine what it will be like, look like, and how it will feel. Ask yourself questions like “What would it be like?” Have an image – a new job, a new house, a new relationship, new level of health and vitality, etc. – of what it will look like when you achieve your goal. This allows the brain to create a hologram for it. When we visualize, mentally rehearse and emotionally embrace a future event, we convince the body emotionally, which signals genes in new ways and shifts our epigenetics.

Timothy Gallwey’s book “Inner Game of Tennis,” published in 1974, though based on an exploration of the metaphysics of sports, articulates the essential principles at the core of this theory.

“In every human endeavor, there are two arenas of engagement: the outer and the inner,” Gallwey writes. “The outer game is played on an external arena to overcome external obstacles to reach an external goal. The inner game takes place within the mind of the player and is played against such obstacles as fear, self-doubt, lapses in focus, and limiting concepts or assumptions. The inner game is played to overcome the self-imposed obstacles that prevent an individual or team from accessing their full potential.”

3)   Understanding the obstacles that might get in your way. This involves connecting to the thoughts that bring you back to the same obstacles you had last year, and every prior year that blocked you from achieving your goal. We talk ourselves out of greatness. When we are aware of the thoughts that revert us back to our old selves, we can catch them so they never slip by unnoticed. 

4)   Make slow steady progress.Build on small wins. Practice and repetition turns neural pathways into neural superhighways and this recreates who we are. Literally we are changing who we are neurologically which means we make new choices, create new behaviors and have new experiences that produce new emotions. The brain responds to repetition, imagery and emotion. Encourage and remind yourself every day: “I am worth it!” “I can do this!” This type of self-encouragement helps us to unlearn our past emotions and biologically dismantle our old self.

When the mind and the body are working as one, nothing external can deter you from what you most desire.

What is the accomplishment you want to be celebrating at the end of 2019? 

I believe in you.

Tricia

* * * * *

Upcoming articles:

·      Your Zone of Genius

·      Authentic Leadership

·      How to Stop Playing Small

·      Overcome Imposter Syndrome

·      The Impact of Your Brand

·      The Self Integrity of Boundaries

·      Creating a Culture that Changes Lives

I would love to hear from you. Was this article helpful? What do you most desire? What obstacles are standing in your way? Are there any questions that are plaguing you that I can help with? I love creating helpful content. 

You can respond below or email me directly at tricia@triciaacheatel.com.

Tricia Acheatel has been supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for over 30 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical mindset and business development tools that teach women how to find the courage to live their authentic and brilliant lives. 

From her combined experience – as a corporate executive, business owner and coach, herbalist/healer, life coach, author, life designer, success team leader, and teacher – Tricia brings wisdom, intuition, compassion, and clarity to her work. Her clients and students access newfound clarity, resilience, freedom, inspiration, and the knowledge necessary to launch their dreams.