Why Self-Care is the #1 Priority…But Is It Selfish?

Life Envisioning for 2019 – Part 3 of 4

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As the dawn of 2019 is on the horizon, our mindset naturally gravitates towards what we want to do to be better – more organized and productive, fitter and healthier, kinder and more social, better at budgeting – in short, all the things we feel we need to do to improve ourselves and our lives. It is human nature to seek advancement. Yet, when we are already feeling stressed, running around taking care of everyone else, barely finding time to eat right, exercise and sleep, how could we possibly add a list of well-intentioned goals to an already overfull plate?

Self-care is an essential practice, not only for our own wellbeing but also for those around us.

While it might seem obvious, many women struggle with the idea of putting themselves first. Let’s look at some of the most common beliefs can block making self-care a priority and why these misconceptions must be exposed.

Self-care turns the focus on me and that feels selfish. 

We were raised to think we should always put others before ourselves and ignore our own needs—that focusing on ourselves is somehow arrogant or self-centered.

To truly care for someone else, I must feel that way toward myself. I can’t give away what I don’t have. We are no use to anyone when we are depleted. Self-care allows us to build up our resilience reserves so we can handle stressful and challenging life situations.

Self-love means being aware of nurturing my own soul, taking care of my own needs, and not putting myself last.  This allows me to be true to myself at all times and to treat myself with total respect and kindness.

Selfishness comes from a lack of self-love. This is what the planet is suffering from, along with insecurity and judgment. When we are taking care of ourselves, we don’t get drained and we don’t need people to behave in a certain way in order for us to feel cared for. Others get our love as a result of us being true and caring to ourselves.

Selfishness comes from too little self-love because we try to compensate for our lack. There’s no such thing as caring for the self too much, just as there’s no such thing as too much genuine affection for others. Our world suffers from too little self-love and too much judgement, insecurity, fear and mistrust.

With all of the things on my list that I have to do, I don’t have time for self-care.

There are so many “have-to’s” permeating our lives. From the little things (I have to do laundry) to the big things (I have to do my taxes) to the guilty things (I have to spend more time doing yardwork.) When you consider that everything in life is a choice, every “I have to” with all its connotations of coercion, pressure, stress, and resentment can be turned into “I choose to.”  How we choose to spend our time and what we make a priority is completely in our control. That includes time for self-care. 

When we make choices to avoid pain or to please other people, we get caught up in doing, pursuing, searching, achieving. Fear of displeasing others, fear of failing, fear of being selfish, fear of not being good enough. We can become the last person we take into consideration.

Saying “no” to others often means saying, “yes” to ourselves. If you think that you’re being a good person each time you say “yes,” think again. Each time you agree to something that doesn’t feel good in your gut, you are giving away a little bit more of your power. Notice all the places in your life that you aren’t saying “yes” to yourself. Turn anything that feels like “I have to/should” into “I choose to.” Everywhere you choose to give your energy and time, consider if it is in alignment with what is most important to you. Are you doing it for approval? The only person you need to receive approval from is you. Using discernment in where you choose to give of your energy is living your truth. Saying no to others when you need to prioritize your own needs is an act of courage. 

To be a good person, I must take care of everyone around me.

We often sacrifice self-care because we’re too busy trying to save everyone else. But people must learn their own lessons in life, however painful that is. Who are we to know what is right for another? 

The way we can really help is to focus on ourselves and stop trying to run others’ lives. While we think we’re caring by “rescuing” them from unpleasant experiences in their lives, we are denying them the opportunity to face their own challenges, and a possible lesson learned.

Of course we should help people, but there is a difference between providing support for somebody who asks and taking it upon ourselves to save somebody and make their life turn out in a way that we think it should.

I feel worthier when I’m needed by someone else.

In order to find true happiness, deep and authentic connection in relationships and meaningful work – we must love ourselves first.Our relationships would be better served by focusing on ourselves. We’re then able to give from a place of wholeness, without expecting anything in return or feeling resentful. When we sacrifice ourselves for others, we aren’t standing up for our own needs and our relationships become imbalanced.

If we take care of ourselves, we are more independent, less needy of getting attention or affection, and more capable of truly connecting with another human being. We teach others how to treat us by the way we care for and view ourselves. If we treat ourselves as if we are worthy, then that is what we will attract back in our relationships.

The key to whole and meaningful relationships is to love ourselves first.

I need my family, friends and loved ones to take care of me.

I’ve been previously guilty of this – giving my all at my own expense for others and then feeling resentful that they didn’t give back in equal measure. It was a hard lesson learned that I was choosing to give all my love and energy to others and give none to myself.

Ultimately, we are each responsible for own self-care.

What is the most self-caring thing you can add to your list? 

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Shift negative self-talk to positive self-support

• Prioritize your own needs

• Get good quality sleep

• Eating healthfully

• Spending time in nature

• Being present in the moment

• Noticing what you feel grateful for

• Getting a hug

• Spending time with loved ones and/or pets 

• Singing and/or dancing

• Have more fun

• Writing

• Tell a friend how you feel 

• Set healthy boundaries by saying “no”

• Be kind, patient, and compassionate with yourself

• Speak up in work meetings

• Express your needs to your partner

• Moving your body and exercising

• Laugh more

• Follow your inner guidance and do what feels good

• Regular meditation 

Because we all have different preferences, self-care looks different for each of us. Give yourself permission this New Year to pause, breathe and listen to your inner guidance about what you most need and want.\ 

I believe in you.

Tricia

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Watch for this upcoming article:

Part 4 – The WHY of Your Core Motivating Force

I would love to hear from you. Was this article helpful? Are there any questions that are plaguing you that I can help with? I love creating helpful content. 

You can respond below or email me directly at tricia@triciaacheatel.com.

Tricia Acheatel has been supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for over 30 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical mindset and business development tools that teach women how to find the courage to live their authentic and brilliant lives. 

From her combined experience – as a corporate executive, business owner and coach, herbalist/healer, life coach, author, life designer, success team leader, and teacher – Tricia brings wisdom, intuition, compassion, and clarity to her work. Her clients and students access newfound clarity, resilience, freedom, inspiration, and the knowledge necessary to launch their dreams.

Five Steps for Evaluating Your Goals

Life Envisioning for 2019 – Part 2 of 4

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In my last article, titled “The Wisdom of Self Sabotage,” I discussed how we have two parts of our self. What I call our universal self and our societal self. The emotional discomfort that we are avoiding when we self-sabotage is from these two parts of us conflicting with each other. 

As the new year approaches, it’s good to reflect on how we would like our lives to be better, how we want to learn and grow. We have the best of intentions with our resolutions.

To ensure that 2019 is the year that you do achieve your desired outcomes, I recommend evaluating your list of goals or resolutions with your universal self. Our societal self sets goals based on what it feels it should do or has to do. These “shoulds” and “have tos” are usually based on belief systems that source back to our family of origin (for example, a good wife keeps the house clean) or are cultural constructs (for example, thinner is better.) Our societal self drives us towards achievement-oriented goals without considering whether those goals will bring us closer or farther away from how we want to feel. We might think that external circumstances create how we feel, yet it’s our feeling state that creates external circumstances.

So, we ignore our desires and do what we think is right, good, healthy, or admirable.  

How can you know that your goals are aligned with your true self’s deepest desires and needs?

Being in alignment with your universal self means to be in synch with what you want and to also believe that you can have it. When we are in alignment, we are in touch with the larger part of who we are… our higher (or universal) self. When we feel emotions such as joy, hope, motivation, and excitement, we are in alignment, which always feels good! When you are experiencing disappointment, stress, anger or any type of negative emotion, you are out of alignment with yourself, and thus find ways to avoid the things that cause you to feel that way.

Here’s a 5-Step checkpoint to evaluate your goals. This can be used for your New Year’s resolutions or your To Do List.

Get out something to take notes on, a journal works great. This is a new way of navigating through life so this would be a great time to start a journal if you haven’t already.

1.   What’s the bad habit or self-sabotaging behavior that you’ve been wanting to break?Think about the thing you do that stops you from going to the gym, or what you do when you are procrastinating, or how you compensate for stress. If this behavior is frequent and it’s preventing you from getting what you truly want, then bingo! Write down the habit.

2.   Now, make a list of your goals.Since it’s that time of year, your 2019 New Year’s Resolutions would be ideal. 

3.   Body Awareness

• Find a comfortable place to sit, put down your paper and pen, uncross your legs, and begin to relax.

• Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, releasing tension as you exhale. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. 

• Allow your breath to return to normal. 

• Feel your muscles sinking into the chair.

• Notice what your body feels like when it’s relaxed.

4.   Read over your list of goals and notice the degree to which each item makes your body tense and/or you feel like engaging in your common self-sabotaging behavior (that you noted in Step #1.) Next to each item give it a score from zero to ten. Zero if you’re not tempted at all, ten if makes you want to jump up and rush to wherever you go (fridge, wine cabinet, phone, television, back to bed, etc.)

5.   For a few moments, imagine your ideal life. Bask in the feelings it creates. Now go back over your goal list. For each item ask yourself:

• What is the feeling state that I most desire? Will this goal create that feeling?

• Would I do this thing at all in my ideal life?

• Could I change it to make it more enjoyable?

•  If the answer was “no” to any of the last three questions, what would I rather do?

To create the life you want, dream about it and imagine what it will look and feel like. As you are visualizing your life as you want it to be, feel the emotion of it. Feel the joy, the happiness, the love… whatever it makes you feel. Feeling your dream life in present time will guide and form the means to creating it. Remember, it’s our feeling state that creates external circumstances. 

Once you have a dream you feel excited about, begin making tiny changes, taking tiny steps to start creating it. When we are confronted with dreams or goals that feel too big or too unknown to tackle, our common response is to do nothing. Start with small steps that are enjoyable.

Fill your life with things that make you feel good. Feeling good means you are in alignment with your true or universal self. Engage with people, situations, circumstances that support your happiness and thus allow you to feel connected to who you truly are.

Anything you truly desire is possible. 

I believe in you.

Tricia

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Watch for these upcoming articles:

Part 3 – Why Self-Care is an Essential Goal…But Is It Selfish?

Part 4 – The WHY of Your Core Motivating Force

I would love to hear from you. Was this article helpful? Are there any questions that are plaguing you that I can help with? I love creating helpful content.

You can respond below or email me directly at tricia@triciaacheatel.com. 

Tricia Acheatel has been supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for over 30 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical mindset and business development tools that teach women how to find the courage to live their authentic and brilliant lives. 

From her combined experience – as a corporate executive, business owner and coach, herbalist/healer, life coach, author, life designer, success team leader, and teacher – Tricia brings wisdom, intuition, compassion, and clarity to her work. Her clients and students access newfound clarity, resilience, freedom, inspiration, and the knowledge necessary to launch their dreams.

The Wisdom of Self Sabotaging

Life Envisioning for 2019 – Part 1 of 4

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You might be wondering; how could my self-sabotaging behaviors ever be wise? 

I’m not a huge advocate of New Year’s resolutions because they typically fall short of fulfilling our deepest desires and are usually unrealistic and mostly externally motivated. Goals must come from within our true selves and reflect the interconnectivity of our needs.

Like most of my clients, right now you are probably beginning to review your life as the end of the year nears. Evaluating where you are right now and if you met the goals you set for 2018 or if you’ve even thought about them since last January. You likely started off with a bang but started to dwindle as self-sabotaging behaviors crept in, derailed you and left you feeling like a failure until you mustered up the energy to soldier on with your day-to-day. You’re not alone.

To be more successful and less conflicted, consider this. Counterproductive habits are our subconscious attempts to deal with a deeper issue: Self-betrayal.

There is a myriad of ways we self-sabotage. Here are just a few examples that might sound familiar to you.

·     Going on shopping binges when you’re trying to reduce debt

·     Spacing out important appointments

·     Staying up too late and/or oversleeping

·     Binging on sweets when you know everything there is to know about eating healthy

·     Coming up with all kinds of excuses to avoid the gym

Not only are these kinds of behaviors holding us back in life, health, love, and work, they create a feeling of defeat. Even worse, we berate ourselves for our lack of willpower and motivation which results in low self-esteem. It can be a vicious cycle.

You will probably agree with me that these behaviors are distractions. Most common distractions – sleep, social media, wine, food, whatever your preference – are strategies to avoid emotional discomfort. 

We have two parts of our self. What I call our Universal Self and our Societal Self. The emotional discomfort that we are avoiding when we self-sabotage is from these two parts of us conflicting with each other. For example, you might be a night person that works a morning shift. You might tend towards being an introvert so you avoid social events that will require small talk. 

The sabotaging behavior is your Universal Self rebelling against the self-imposed conditions created by your Societal Self. Perhaps you work in an office when you yearn to spend time outdoors.  So, you oversleep as a means of relief and protest.

Self-sabotaging behaviors are you rebelling against what doesn’t feel good to your Universal Self. We cannot betray ourselves in fundamental ways. We can’t force ourselves to be something we aren’t. When we heed our inherent desires, and needs, self-sabotaging stops.  

How are your sabotaging behaviors telling you that something isn’t right?

I believe in you.

Tricia

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Watch for these upcoming articles:

Part 2 – 5 Steps for Evaluating Your Goals

Part 3 – Why Self-Care is an Essential Goal…But Is It Selfish?

Part 4 – The WHY of Your Core Motivating Force

I would love to hear from you. Was this article helpful? Are there any questions that are plaguing you that I can help with? I love creating helpful content. You can respond below or email me directly at tricia@triciaacheatel.com.

Tricia Acheatel has been supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for over 30 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical mindset and business development tools that teach women how to find the courage to live their authentic and brilliant lives. 

From her combined experience – as a corporate executive, business owner and coach, herbalist/healer, life coach, author, life designer, success team leader, and teacher – Tricia brings wisdom, intuition, compassion, and clarity to her work. Her clients and students access newfound clarity, resilience, freedom, inspiration, and the knowledge necessary to launch their dreams.

Living in the Age of Fear

How are we defining our lives? The quintessential question.

Too often, we allow fear, worry and doubt to dominate. Additionally, it seems we are dealing with more fear and anxiety than ever before.

Fear is a natural protective response to danger and for many, the world isn’t feeling very safe. What if we didn’t fear illness, aging, death, loss of money, climate change, our safety? Certainly, we would be happier. We very well might also be more collaborative, peaceful and productive.

It is a common self-help philosophy that the world is simply a mirror, reflecting our own inner state. If we are inwardly in turmoil then we are certain to see a tumultuous world.  What if, instead of the world getting scarier, it is reflecting a society overcome by fear? 

By design, our brains are wired to structure our worlds to be predictable, controllable, definable, and to protect us from harm.  We attempt to create lives that are safe and prevent things that might stimulate fear. So much of our external environment is out of our control and yet we live in fear for how it might impact us. Life tends to be unpredictable and the uncertainty can really be scary. It’s human nature to be uncomfortable with change, upheaval and disharmony. 

Life becomes a burden when we are fighting with everything. We get so bogged down regretting the past and worrying about the future, we can’t savor and enjoy the blessing of being alive! This is how fear ends up trampling all over our happiness.

Life is constantly changing and providing new challenges. The seasons change, we age, our children grow up, loved ones die, relationships end. Trying to manage and control the external world to create safety is futile. When we try to prevent the world around us from doing us harm, we are hiding from it. This makes the world a threatening and frightening place.  If we attempt to arrange the people, places and things so they don’t disturb us, we begin to feel like life is against us. 

Life pushes us to help us spiritually evolve. Life is helping us by providing the relationships, events and changes that stimulate growth and it’s the challenging ones that teach us the most about ourselves.

If change is inevitable then fear is as well. So how do we cope with fear? Many of us learn to squelch the fear down and push forward no matter what. From my experience, both in my own life as well as with clients, this causes a disconnect with the true self.

Einstein said: “The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”

He went on to explain:

“For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.

“If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially ‘playing dice with the universe’, then we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.

“But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.”

If we believe the world is unfriendly, our actions will change accordingly and we will do what we can to protect ourselves. We will constantly be expecting bad things to happen and we will live in constant fear. On the other hand, if we decide that the universe is friendly, then we will behave accordingly and do things that will engage and help others. Remember the concept of how the world is a mirror and mimics us? When we believe in the goodness of the world, good things happen to us.

How we choose to view the world will ultimately define how we live our lives and what comes back to us. If we approach people with an angry, frustrated attitude and an expectation that they too will be angry, they will pick up on this and fulfill our expectation. If we approach people with kindness and a belief that they will be friendly, then they will put down their barriers and respond with openness.

Fear arises from the neurophysiological processes that prepare us to respond to a perceived threat or danger.  The fear response starts in a region of the brain called the amygdala. A threat stimulus, such as the sight of a predator, triggers a fear response in the amygdala, which activates areas involved in preparation for the motor functions involved in fight or flight. It also triggers the release of stress hormones. We create this same physiological response by just THINKING about what might happen. This can lead to significant distress and anxiety which limit our ability for success and joy in life.

The choices are simple. 

Believe in the Universe as a friendly place. Trust in the goodness of life. Know that challenges aren’t a bad thing, they are opportunities to grow. Accept that change comes with this life. Accept that life is not within our control and that it is continuously changing.

When you feel fear, acknowledge it, allow it, and release it. At any moment we can feel frustration, anger, fear, jealousy, insecurity or embarrassment. Our tendency is to suppress the discomfort and try to push it away. When you feel fear, simply start by noticing it. Watch the inner experience as energy passing through your heart. Breathe and relax. Do the opposite of contracting and closing. Relax and release. Stay open and receptive so you can remain present to where the tension is in your body. You will not want to do this because it feels uncomfortable. Just keep relaxing and allowing the sensation. Relax your shoulders and your belly. Breathe and allow the discomfort to dissipate and move through you. Just see it as energy and let it go.

Holding yourself back from full living and doing your work in the world isn’t the answer – it is blocking your potential for happiness. You must allow the fear to pass through you. The fear created by all the possible future outcomes that your brain can create. Then do the thing you know you must do. This is what builds courage.

We must be willing to open our hearts in the face of anything and everything. It’s all there supporting us. Because the Universe truly is benevolent and is supporting our growth. 

The world needs your creative and unique genius. Don’t let fear hold you back.

Join me this coming September 2018 for a FREE online webinar called Be Your Own Guru. I’ll be teaching you how to start where you are with the array of circumstances that life has offered you, to hear the infinite wisdom of your soul and liberate yourself from fear. Feel the infinite magnificence of who you really are! Register HERE.

Reflections from “A Wrinkle in Time”: Embracing Your Uniqueness

The new Disney film, A Wrinkle in Time, based on the 1962 novel of the same name by Madeleine L’Engle is a touching messenger for contemporary women’s issues.  Although the film wasn’t entirely sufficient at merging the fantastical special effects with the subtlety of the emotional struggle, there was a lot to like about it. The touching performances, particularly from the young actors, the inclusive themes and the inspiring messages are all reasons for everyone to see this film. I was touched by the poignant connection between the struggles of the young protagonist and the recurrent themes I encounter with women seeking more confidence and purpose.

The storyline is based on Meg Murray, a homely and awkward but kind, high school-aged girl who is transported on an adventure through time and space with her younger brother and friend to rescue her father from evil forces that have held him prisoner on another planet for four years.  Meg’s journey is guided by three astral travelling celestial beings, known as Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which. The overarching moral is the battle between good and evil, between light and dark, and the ultimate triumph of love.  Mrs. Who usually speaks in quotations from famous thinkers and writers because she finds it too difficult to craft her own sentences. One of my favorites by Rumi – “The wound is a place where light enters you.”

This film gives girls a superhero they can relate to. Additionally, are the five key lessons that Meg learns from the road of trials that she must endure for deliverance into self-acceptance.

·      In a world that values similarity and conformity, we must overcome the need to fit in and learn to appreciate and value our own uniqueness.

·      We must go through pain and challenge to know who we truly are.

·      We each have faults ­that we must learn to accept and ultimately channel in our service to the world. Meg’s faults included anger, impatience, and lack of self-confidence.

·      The inadequacy of words. Communication is through other means than language–verbal speech is not the only way we can share our thoughts and feelings and the sheer power of love is a felt transmission of meaning.

·      We cannot know everything and that’s okay.

These universal lessons are the basis of living a life of service and purpose. 

Many of us don’t feel like we comfortably fit into social norms–because we look different, feel out of place, see ourselves as less-than, and often feel misunderstood–we hide our true selves so that no one will know that we’re different. In A Wrinkle in Time, Meg feels awkward and out of place in high school. She is bullied by her next-door neighbor, fights with her peers, and is sent to the principal's office for her behavior. Meg confides to her mother that she hates being so different and wishes she could just be like everyone else.

How often we, especially women, seek the approval of others to feel valued.

·      We do everything we can to conform to the main stream standards of beauty and fashion

·      We seek partners who give us a sense of completion and self-worth

·      We choose careers that will provide a worthy sense of identity

·      We make money to buy things in our quest for happiness

·      We do everything for everyone else, ignoring our own needs and neglecting self-care

As Meg learned, to successfully rescue her father and then her brother from the evil “IT,” she must claim her faults as strengths and love herself so that she can access the power to overcome.

The world needs our individuality, our unique perspective and creativity. We aren’t meant to fit in. We are here to excel at becoming the most authentic version of ourselves. What makes us authentic are our unique talents, interests, opinions, emotions, values, strengths, expressions, and yes, our faults too. The value we add to the world is the extraordinary blend of these qualities and how they characterize us. The pain and challenges of our life represent our own hero’s journey of self-acceptance.  

When we can embrace our faults, accept that we are enough exactly as we are, we can open to the language of love. When we can accept our imperfections, stop needing to be perfect or know everything, we can view the world through an attitude of openness and nonjudgement.

In the final scene, because of her newfound self-acceptance, Meg’s openness allows her to see the pain of self-judgement that drives her bully. She then, and without words, transmits love which allows the bully to accept herself.

Isn’t this exactly what the world needs?

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tricia Acheatel is an expert on women’s empowerment, supporting women in their personal, professional, and entrepreneurial growth for the past 27 years. She teaches women how to access their inner wisdom, develop self-confidence, and create with conviction – to shape a life of meaning. Her unique approach blends inner work with practical tools. Tricia is the author of Rooted in Purpose: Overcoming Self-doubt and Pursuing Your Life’s Calling, now in paperback. In the book, she guides women on an exhilarating journey to a deeper sense of self and purpose. More than ever before in history, it is time for women to step into leadership positions and be equal partners in the decision-making process. You can find her at www.triciaacheatel.com and www.rootedinpurpose.com

Another Invitation

I have been striving for success throughout my adult life.  It comes from this human need to belong. Belonging feels like having the wind at our back, being supported and gently, lovingly nudged forward. However, deeply embedded in my neurons is this belief that to belong, I must be successful.

How do we define success for ourselves? If this is a parameter that dictates whether we feel worthy of belonging, then it deserves inquiry. Is our individual definition of “success” determined by our families and culture? Our beliefs about success have developed incrementally over our lifetime.

It is being recognized as ‘accomplished’ in some way by friends, students, clients, colleagues

It is a perceived need or desire for what we are offering – advice, coaching, teaching, opinion, work

It is a felt sense that we are helping others in some way

It is when we feel good about what we are doing

It is the feeling when others remark about the value we offer

It is being able to offer our service from a place of love, void of fear or insecurity

It is when there is an alignment between what we are doing and what we feel passionate about

Newfound awareness bubbles up as I emerge from a career failure and the aftermath of shame and hiding. My shame felt too vulnerable to allow anyone to see me. Any part of me that isn’t successful feels unlovable.

How do you value your worthiness?

Being wanted by the world is such a privilege.  More than anything my recent failure has demonstrated this. To be known, to be wanted, to be contributing is essential for each of us. When we hold ourselves back because of self-induced shame, we cutting off the lifeline of belonging. 

As I spend time on the threshold of aloneness, the gifts of introspection combine with my yearning for belonging and togetherness. This is reminiscent of the infinite journey that continually unfolds as parts of us that are no longer needed drop away into the past. Yet if we aren’t ready to let go so, we resist the inevitability that everything is always changing.

I am clear that I must show up.

There is a drive in each of us to be of service. Within an instant of this realization, an awakening occurs, a recognition of something that can’t yet be articulated. Like a horizon calling to be seen but isn’t yet visible. For most of us, this unknown calling triggers fear. Yet there are infinite unknown parts of us that are yet to be named.

As I grasp for a transitory name that will identify this threshold I realize that just asking this question shapes an acceptance of this new part of me and the process begins to link me with the destination that I seek. It’s almost as if what I want has already happened as I move towards the unknown horizon.

Life offers us invitations to separate from parts of ourselves and shift into who we are destined to become. Therefore, failures aren’t truly ‘failures.’ They are the essential cracks in the shells of our identities. They are the vital breakings of our hearts along the passageway of life that alter the way we see ourselves and the world.

As I look back on the journey that has brought me to this place, I can see the sense of myself that has been stripped away. I can see my feelings of helplessness, now irrelevant. I can see the value of not running away from the resistance that I felt. Not resisting would have allowed me to experience the grief, the shame, the loss in all their intensity.

To experience ourselves fully, we must allow all that is present to be experienced and to do this we must stay physically present in our bodies. We must be true to every part of us – the part that we no longer need, yet which has brought us to this point and the part of us that is forming us towards what is to come. There is always something dissolving in each of us – relationships, health, youth, career identities, roles as children, as parents. When we run away from, avoid or resist our experience, including the sensation of emotion in our bodies, we force ourselves into helplessness and disorientation, shame and terror.

What my recent failure has taught me is that I can and must feel my insides as my outside identity crumbles and disappears.  I must ask for and receive help. When I do this, my sensitivity to life comes alive and I am able to notice the geese on their northward journey as they harken the impending spring, the streaks of pink across the sunset sky, the wind at my back. And I know I belong in this amazing and beautiful world. A world that right now feels illusory, overwhelming, even ironic.

We must turn to ourselves for the answers about what is real, what is true, and what can be trusted. Now more than ever. Then we must reach out towards that unseen horizon with faith in the parts of us that must break away and the like minds that will support our journeys forward as we contribute what we came here to give.

We are never alone. We are all here for the same reason. To bring more love and light and kindness to each other. How we do that is unique to our own gifts, our unique genius. Opportunities show up every day to offer ourselves - whatever our job is, whatever our circumstances are right now, each moment of every day. But this does not happen in isolation or only when we are feeling successful. It happens whenever we choose to show up.

Accept another invitation. It is why we are here, after all.

Love,

Tricia

Tricia Acheatel, MH, CLC ©, is a coach, teacher, mentor, and conscious entrepreneur who has been working with women for over 25 years.  Her mission is to help women tap into their unique genius so that they can offer their gifts to the world and live in their authentic power.  She created SisterTeams for women to support each other in action to bring more kindness, love, light, and peace to our world. SisterTeams represents Tricia’s life’s work and devotion to service. For more information about SisterTeams or Tricia’s work, she can be reached at info@triciaacheatel.com

Being Courageous Means Feeling Our Fear

We have all found ourselves in situations that feel impossible and may even be unhealthy, we feel stuck and afraid, yet we cannot see a way out.  There is one critical step that might change everything.  However, to take this step requires an act of courage.  It’s the thing you believe you could never do. Even though it will change everything.

If this is the way you are feeling right now, know that you are NOT alone.  After 25 years of coaching, these are the ways I have seen clients get stuck −

·      A toxic or abusive relationship where you are hiding to keep the peace

·      A career that feels miserable

·      Stress that leads to drinking (or eating) to relieve the pressure

·      High levels of anxiety and worry about the welfare of loved ones

·      Feeling overwhelmed yet not asking for help

·      Exhausted trying to make everyone else happy

·      Questioning your self-worth and feeling insecure

·      Feeling bullied, undervalued or controlled

I know exactly how it feels.  I was there too.  Losing myself a little bit more each day until I felt like a shell of my former self. This showed up big-time for me in how I kept my feelings to myself to prevent a reaction or conflict. I thought that by hiding my true feelings I would improve my relationship. By ignoring my own truths I unwittingly was giving up my power.

Learning to LOVE FEAR, to appreciate and harness the energy of fear is a critical tool in the world we live in.  I used to avoid feeling fear; I would do anything to run away from it, usually by getting busy doing something, as a distraction.  I believed that if I accomplished something, I would squelch the fear; productivity would make me feel good and then the fear would go away on its own.  Fear that isn’t felt and faced, remains in the body and can cause stress, ill health and pain.

Now, when I notice that I’m feeling fear, I realize that there is something important that I need to do. I see fear as a blessing. Fear is just the energetic preparation for something that is important to do. Fear can even be harnessed and used to increase confidence. Fear can pull us out of our thoughts and into our body. As Martha Beck says: "Fear is just a path to take us home."

If you feel inspired to be more courageous at home, at work, with your children, with your partner, and you want to show up and be SEEN, turn your fear into courage.

1.    NO DISTRACTIONS. Stop doing; stop eating (or drinking,) and stop distracting yourself from the fear. Before you reach for the door handle on the refrigerator, stop, take a breath and ask “Am I hungry or am I feeling a difficult emotion?”  If you aren’t hungry, sit down and practice the next step.  Do the same thing if you find yourself looking for what else you need to get done. My old pattern was to check my TO Do list to see what I needed to get done. Pause between each task and just FEEL.

2.    FEEL THE FEAR. Create a regular practice of quieting the mind. Notice the sensation of your breath coming in and out of your body. Really feel your breath expand into your lungs and abdomen, then out through your nose or mouth. As you feel your breath, notice how it expands beyond your torso into every cell of your body. If you get distracted at any point, bring your attention back to your breath and body. Bring your attention deeper inside to your inner body. Now notice any fear or anxiety.  Notice where you are feeling it in your body. Just ALLOW it.  Don’t panic and run away from it by allowing your mind to get distracted.  Keep your attention on it while breathing until the fear starts to expand. It might start to feel like it is getting softer and yet larger in size, almost like steam as it billows and dissipates. Sit with this until you feel a sense of deep calm and peace. This is the ESSENTIAL YOU from which you can create whatever your soul desires.  This is courage.

3.    SET GOALS. Thucydides, a Greek philosopher during the 5th Century, B.C., said “The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”  Do you have a vision for your future?  It is critical to set your goals from a place of heart or love.  When you think about your goal, does it feel joyful and fun? Does it come from a place of love rather than fear?  When you imagine your ideal life, ideal relationship, ideal career, what do you see?  Write down what it feels like.  What is a reasonable timeframe for you to get there? Once you have a goal in mind, working backwards, break it down into small steps that will get you from where you are now to the goal.  Small, doable steps will boost your courage to move forward. Using the energy of fear to move you into action is what creates COURAGE. What is the smallest first step you can take today? I tell my clients to find a step that it is so ridiculously easy; it would be absurd not to do it. If the step feels too daunting, break it down further.

4.    GET SUPPORT. Make a list of the friends and family you know who can provide the emotional support and encouragement for you to take that first courageous step. Who can you call and talk about what is scary for you? Who is your TRIBE?  Deliberately surround yourself with people who inspire you and believe in you. Ask for help in taking that one critical step that will change everything. Being vulnerable in relationships creates deeper connection and inspires others to be vulnerable and courageous also. I keep a list very near to me of my support team and on days when it feels like life is too much for me to handle alone, I reach out.  Getting support is a self-loving act.

5.    BE SELF-LOVING. Building our courage muscle means first and foremost being compassionate with ourselves.  When we critique and belittle ourselves in our thoughts, we keep ourselves small.  Doing something brave requires that we TRUST ourselves.  Self-encouragement is critical to being courageous.  What is the most self-loving thing you can do right now?  Start with self-care – feeling safe is #1; getting enough sleep and eating healthfully.  What makes you happy?  Being in nature, getting a hug, spending time with loved ones and pets, singing, dancing, and writing?  Make the time to do something that is just for you. Spend your precious time doing the things that YOU love to do. When I need a lift, I go outside and commune with my hummingbird buddy (yes I have one!) and the flowers in my garden.

6.    CELEBRATE YOUR FAILURES. Acknowledge and celebrate how you are bravely showing up in your life – every small or large accomplishment, as well as your mistakes. Failures mean that you are putting yourself out there!  Failure is essential to success.  The most significant accomplishments arise out of failures.  So whether you are posting your artwork online, telling a friend the truth of how you feel even though they may get angry or hurt, raising your hand to speak up in meetings, expressing your needs to your partner, showing your kids that you value yourself enough to take time for you… these are acts of bravery and will strengthen your courage muscle.

7.    HAVE CLEAR BOUNDARIES. Saying “NO” to others often means saying, “YES” to you. If you think that you’re being a good person each time you say “yes,” think again.  Each time you agree to something that doesn’t feel good in your gut, you are giving away a little bit more of your power. Notice all the places in your life that you aren’t saying YES to yourself. Turn anything that feels like “I should” into “I choose to.”  Every where you choose to give your energy and time, consider if it is in alignment with what is most important to you.  Are you doing it for approval?  The only person you need to receive approval from is YOU.  Using discernment in where you CHOOSE to give of your energy is living your truth. This is honesty. Saying NO to others when you need to prioritize your own needs is an act of courage. Tasks become pleasing, done with love rather than resentment. After years of taking care of everything and everyone else before myself, I now make my own health and happiness my highest priority. 

This is how I show myself that I am worthy. This is how I have the courage to stay with my fear.  Fear never goes away, we just learn how to use it.

 “Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness:  Worthy Now.  Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now.  Right this minute.  As is.  There are no prerequisites to “I am enough.”   - Brené Brown

Find the freedom that comes from harnessing your courage and believe that you are ENOUGH exactly as you are.  Welcome fear as the catalyst and motivator to do what is difficult and essential for you to do.

Tricia Acheatel, AHG, CCN is a Certified Martha Beck Life Coach who works with people who are inspired to be more courageous in their lives, at home, at work, with their children and with their partners.  To apply for her complimentary Living A Courageous Life Clarity Call, go HERE. You can find her at triciaacheatel.com or email her at coaching@triciaacheatel.com

This Little Light of Mine

When my daughter was four years old, my girlfriends and I took the kids to their very first concert. Raffi. It was glorious standing in line with my girl, waiting to go into the concert hall.  It felt reminiscent of going to rock concerts during college.  I was so excited for all of the first experiences that awaited her. My heart still melts when I remember Raffi singing “This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let it Shine.”  I yearned for my daughter to love her beautiful light and to grow up shining it throughout her life, for the entire world to see.

At that point in my own life, I wasn’t aware of how I wasn’t yet doing that for myself.  When I did become conscious that I was playing small, I began to notice all the ways that I was holding myself back and being willing to settle for less than my complete happiness.

I used to think it would motivate me if I noticed everything I was doing wrong and I constantly reminded myself of how I was falling short, how I could do better.  That is what my well-meaning parents had done after all and who was I as a kid to imagine that there was a more self-affirming way to be my best? So I adopted that technique and used it through most of my life.

As children, our key survival mechanism is to be accepted.  If we are accepted, there’s a better chance of our survival. So we integrate the messages we receive from parents, teachers and peers as the absolute truth and we modify our true nature accordingly in order to become more acceptable. These messages become a running tape in our minds that continues playing until we begin to question it.  These were the thoughts and beliefs that kept me small and kept me being a good girl.

Of course I have had many successes in my lifetime.  But I often didn’t celebrate those successes because no matter how well I did, I could always do better.  This was what I told myself.  I can remember squelching feelings of pride when I reached goals so that I wouldn’t become egotistical or over-confident. People might not like me if I didn’t stay humble and powerless.

Not allowing myself to believe in how powerful I truly am, kept me drained, flat, unhappy, and well, small.  It was safer or so I thought. Being accepted was more important than feeling good about myself.

When we spend our energy telling ourselves we’re not doing good enough, we have very little time and energy left to do what we were meant to do.  We end up working even harder to do better and have less and less time and energy.

So how can we be our biggest, most powerful and radiant selves, yet also remain compassionate and vulnerable?

1.    Question Your Thoughts. In accepting our thoughts as the gospel truth, we are allowing them to limit us.  We are putting our thoughts in control of who we are and yet these are the very same insidious thoughts that were meant to keep us in line. We each have so much more potential than we allow ourselves to believe. Every single minute of every single day, our work is about noticing what thoughts we choose to believe. Thought by thought as we release our belief in them, we get lighter and lighter.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” ― Marianne Williamson

2.    Practice radical self-acceptance. I have worked hard on all the ways I used to keep myself small.  I now know and appreciate that I am unique, that there is only one me. I have learned that the only person I need to listen to is me.  I am the author of my own story. The only person I need to please and be accepted by is me.  My opinion is the only one that matters. I have within me a Divine Light, a little piece of God. And so do YOU. That makes both of us, special and beautiful and ENOUGH. This is the radical self-acceptance and enough-ness that is the theme of my story now.

3.    Stop comparing yourself with other people. When we compare ourselves with others, we are dimming our own light. We watch what other people are doing and invariably find someone who is doing better than we are. We look everywhere for validation of who we are except the one place we need to look: inside.  The truth is that no one is better or worse than anyone else.

4.    Notice the ways you keep yourself small. Do you:

·      Deny compliments and don’t allow yourself to believe them?

·      Keep in check any feelings of success or only notice what you did wrong, so you don’t feel too good about yourself?

·      Have fears about not being accepted if you shine your brightest because you might scare people away?

·      Put yourself down when talking to other people?

·      Feel you don’t deserve the things you want or dream about?

·      Stay in relationships and jobs that aren’t working and are so depleting that it feels like you are dying a slow death?

·      Procrastinate and avoid the very things that will get you closer to your dreams?

·      Seek approval and validation from others?

·      Have a wounded belief system that accepts “I am not [fill in the blank] enough?”

·      Compare yourself to others to see how you fall short or appear better?

“Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.” ― Richard Bach

5.    Make a list of all the ways you are already enough. Do your own healing work so your light can shine it’s brightest.  What is everything you love about yourself and your life right now?  This includes even the smallest of things, like how well your brush your teeth or how much you appreciate your hands.  By finding the blessings you have right now to feel grateful for, you validate yourself and validate your life.

Playing small doesn’t serve the world. When we shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to shine too. When we are liberated from our own fear, our presence liberates others.  Every single one of us is unique and special and the world needs each of us to live up to our full potential.  Even when it feels scary, we need to just feel the fear and do it anyway.  Discovering our unique gifts, what we are born to offer the world and what we feel passionate about is what we are here to do.  

Shine your light brightly,

Tricia

Tricia Acheatel is a  Life Coach, Registered Herbalist and Entrepreneur Mentor. She helps clients when they feel stuck and small to shine their light, big and bold, with confidence and clarity. She believes that we each must offer the world our unique and beautiful legacy.  Email: coaching@triciaacheatel.com

www.triciaacheatel.com

I would love to hear about how you are learning to be a more powerful YOU.  Leave a comment and share if this article resonated with you and there are ways that you could shine brighter.

Photo credit:  Morgan Sessions

To Be Lost in the Right Direction

(Written during the Super Blood Moon & Lunar Eclipse, September 27, 2015)

Feeling deep sadness, exhaustion and insecurity was not how I had anticipated feeling after selling my business. In fact, all I could imagine was how free I was going to feel. And yet, during those first months, there was nowhere I had to be, nothing to accomplish and no one expecting anything from me. Exactly the reason I thought I would feel free to do whatever I wanted, to finally have the time for me that I had always yearned for. Yet in reality, I felt completely lost.

Perhaps you have experienced something similar when you went through a divorce or made a career change or after your children left for college or you retired from your life’s work.  Even though we may choose to make a change in our life doesn’t mean we don’t feel the affects of the loss of that structure.

The death of an identity is like the shedding of armor, which exposes the soft, tender, vulnerable places and opens the heart in ways we couldn’t have imagined without the loss.

Upon reflecting on the last time I experienced feeling lost, at age 27, I realized that the process of losing an ego identity at that time (also a career change,) although excruciatingly painful, eventually led to more peace, clarity and magic than I knew was possible.  It is clear to me then, that there is an emotional and spiritual rebirth that takes place when we let go of an identity. This rebirth is essential to becoming who we are meant to be.

Any life transition means the loss of one thing in order to move into what is next.  That loss must be grieved, felt, experienced in order to let go of it and be fully heart-open to embrace what’s next.

"The road in the end taking the path the sun had taken,

into the western sea, and the moon rising behind you

as you stood where ground turned to ocean: no way

to your future now but the way your shadow could take,

walking before you across water, going where shadows go,

no way to make sense of a world that wouldn't let you pass

except to call an end to the way you had come,

to take out each frayed letter you brought

and light their illumined corners, and to read

them as they drifted through the western light;

to empty your bags; to sort this and to leave that;

to promise what you needed to promise all along,

and to abandon the shoes that had brought you here

right at the water's edge, not because you had given up

but because now, you would find a different way to tread,

and because, through it all, part of you could still walk on,

no matter how, over the waves.”

― David Whyte

Moving through the waves of change develops a faith and trust that everything will be ok, that the universe will support and guide us. And yet when we are at our lowest of lows, trusting can be the hardest thing we will do. We want to feel better now.  We search for a quick fix to feel better.  Some way to not feel the gnawing fear, even terror that can feel so overwhelming it seems we will completely lose control.   

My experience has been that losing control is exactly what I needed to do.  To allow myself to be enveloped in uncertainty, to melt down into nothingness for a new version of me to emerge.  If I fight and resist the pain of the loss then I will get stuck there and I won’t allow the light of my soul to write the story of my destiny.  If I keep holding on to what my ego fears that it won’t be or have anymore, I will be holding back the magic that is trying to be birthed.

If I allow, even though it feels paralyzingly scary, my heart to open, I can fall in love with myself.  This cannot happen if I am holding on to something I think I can’t live without. So I am asking myself as often as necessary – Am I saying this/eating or drinking this/avoiding this, so that I will feel better?  Seeking to feel better is grabbing for a life ring.  Allowing myself to sink into the abyss is trusting that I am going to be alright.  By letting go I am allowing myself to be launched into a new experience of life with opportunities I could never have imagined. Opportunities that I wouldn’t have seen because my eyes weren’t focused.

I stand in a circle with all my former selves – I look around at the striving 26 year old, the wife, the mother of a child at home, the daughter, the seeker, the store owner, the child needing approval, the teen longing for acceptance, the friend, the listener, the healer –  my heart is full to over-flowing with gratitude. I tell my beloved selves that I’m moving on.  I weep not for what they've gone through, nor for the pain they have experienced, I weep in gratitude to them for who I am today. I am who I am because of those previous versions of myself.  I have not lost them. They remain within me as the many facets of my love.

I have found the true love that I have been waiting for my whole life.  Me.

The poet William Stafford's simple question: "Who are you really, wanderer?"  

Why not find out today?

In Finding Your Own North Star, author (and my teacher) Martha Beck reminds us that many cultures value the times in our lives when we lose one identity and have yet to pick up another. Indians go on spirit walks. They leave their tribe and wander without knowing if they will ever make it back, and in that no man’s land, they encounter something magical. Those who return are barely recognizable. Only remnants of their former selves remain. Cleansed by a holy fire, this human metamorphosis is part of our journey.

I guess the only way to get there is to be stripped of identity and to learn to somehow be okay with not knowing who we are or where we are. To be willing to strike out, nameless, faceless, and to give our all and have no idea of who we’ll be when it’s over and trust that whatever lessons needed to be learned were learned, and if not, they’ll come around again.

I recently watched Tom Hank’s film, Cast Away from 1995. Somehow I had never seen it.  Towards the end of the film, Chuck (Tom Hanks) has miraculously made it back home after 4 years stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean. His savior – a metal door that washed ashore. He is home but nothing is the same, most especially himself.  He says to his dear friend: “And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”

With much love for your journey.

Tricia

Fast, Crazy, Busy - Is This How Life Has To Be?

Society values busy. So often, we ask someone what's new in their life they say, "busy, really busy."  We stay busy because this makes us seem more productive or more successful.  We often feel like we never get enough work done or the work isn't good enough. We don't spend enough time with our kids, or exercising, or meditating.  We stay up too late to get that one more thing done and don't get enough sleep.  We are exhausted and frustrated with our partners for not helping enough. We take anxiety meds to help ease the tension. Is a better, less harried life possible?

What would happen if you let go of being busy?  What is being busy getting you? What are you avoiding by moving from one thing to the next without pausing?

Living in doing-mode keeps us from existing in being-mode which is how we experience human emotional context - fear, sadness, anger, even joy and happiness. Without a felt sense of our life experience, we are living a shallow and meaningless existence.

With smart phones and email, we are spending more time in doing-related activities than ever before. We try to multi-task which is really just a myth.  When the brain assigns equal importance to several things at once, a bottleneck occurs which causes anxiety.  As the anxiety increases, it literally overwhelms the brain by affecting neurotransmitters and hormones.  This causes the brain to shut down which causes paralysis.  Overwhelm paralysis. 

If you're like me, you refer to a To Do list each day.  Likely there are more things on the list than is humanly possible to accomplish in one day. In order to ease overwhelm and create space around your anxiety, the first step is to identify what you value most in life. Seems simple right?  Take a moment with this though - what brings you a felt sense of joy in your body? Your WHY.  This felt sense of what inspires you is the light that brings clarity to what is most important to you and your happiness. Your why is the road sign that will help you assess where you want to focus your energy.  So, what is your WHY?  What is the unique driving force that inspires and energizes you?  What do you feel most passionate about?

Once you have a handle on your why, then you can assess each item on your To Do list by asking these questions -

1. Do I HAVE to do this item?  Question any assumption that starts with "I have to...."  Most likely there is a belief hidden behind this assumption.  You have to do it because if you don't you won't be... the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect cook, perfect boss, perfect employee, perfect neighbor, perfect homeowner, perfect parent....  Do you feel you have to do this thing because of how you want someone else to view you?  Continuing on this track only leads to exhaustion and sadness - because you aren't living your life, you are living according to what you think someone else expects of you. Most likely these very same people don't expect what you think they do!  You are only believing the thought that they do. 

2. Am I the only person who can do this task?  Is there someone I can hire and train and delegate this task to?  Really stop and think about this one. We often believe that we are the only person who can do something the way we want it done. The old adage "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."  In reality, the task can most likely be given to someone who has more time than you do and would enjoy doing the task more than you would.  Sure, they might not do it in exactly the same way that you would and the outcome might not meet your ideal expectation. That's ok!  Why do you have this ideal anyway? (This brings us right back to the same inquiry about why you have this standard of perfection in the first place.)  Who will judge you if it isn't perfect?  Or rather, who do you think will judge you? What would be so bad about it being done differently than you think it should be?

3. Is this in alignment with what is most important to me? (Remember your WHY.) Once you are aligned with what your true priorities are, then you can question all the ways that you are spending time and energy that isn't supporting your WHY.  You can start saying "no!" to any commitment that doesn't feel congruent with your passions, goals and visions.  When questioning a commitment, stop, get still and check in with your inner wisdom, your body compass, and see whether it feels like a "yes" or a "no."  Trust that.  Chances are when you tune into what it feels like in your body, and follow that guidance, you will be making the best choice for you and your right life. This will lead you towards what you really want instead of just living a busy life trying to be something you think someone else wants you to be. Follow what feels like joy in your body.

4. Am I doing this because when I take on more and more, I get something for it?  Many people stay busy because they are in the habit of being a helpless, angry, complaining victim.  Don't let this be you.  Stand up for your joy, your peace, and your health.  You're the only one who can!  If being busy gets you sympathy, think again about whether you would rather have sympathy or happiness.  So much of our overwhelm can be attributed to a shared social acceptance in which we are constantly in frenzy, and talking about that frenzy which elevates our feeling of being overwhelmed. How much of your overwhelm is just the reality that you are doing everything you are doing because of choices that you have made?

Stay conscious.   How many of your leisure hours are you using up with miscellaneous and mindless activities that don't support your mental, physical, or emotional health?  Or support the things that you are truly passionate about?  Research has shown that living a life of passion and purpose leads to inner peace, and ultimately a joyful existence.  Aside from actual time spent at work and in sleep, how much of the rest of your time are you filling with activities that keep you busy but not enriched or enlivened?

Staying busy keeps us from feeling emotional pain.  What might you be trying to avoid by keeping busy?  On days where I feel uncertain or insecure unless I have my security blanket, my To Do List, this is when I know it's time to do my inner work - stop, get still and feel whatever emotion is showing up.  Notice if I'm feeling fear.  Allowing the fear to just be there.  "I'm just feeling fear and that's ok."  

Try just sitting, closing your eyes and taking a few deep, slow breaths.  Notice if you feel any tension, fear, or anxiety.  Maybe even terror.  Just keep breathing through it, allowing it to be there without fighting it or avoiding it.  Allow it to move through you.  The next time you notice you're looking for the next thing to do, stop and just sit, even for just a few minutes and allow whatever feelings that are there to move, surface, expand and dissipate. They will move through you if you allow them to.

"The best way out is always though."  Robert Frost

We humans are given the gift of free will in this beautiful life.  Like everything else, overwhelm is a choice.  Choose YOU, your own unique way to love, your passion, and your genius, and don't settle for anything less than living the joy of your WHY!

For more information on transforming your overwhelm, join us for a 4-week telecourse, starting October 22, 2015.

Are You Ready to Accept the Invitation?

We all get in our own way.  Life provides certain opportunities and choices, yet we allow ourselves to receive, achieve, or enjoy such opportunities only to the extent that we believe ourselves deserving or worthy of them.  Low self-worth is the primary cause of self-sabotage.  Every one of us can look back and remember a time when the universe presented an opportunity, opened a door to more success, more love, more happiness – and yet we turned it down.  We allow this invitation to pass us by because we don’t believe enough in ourselves to accept the offering.  Then we look back on our lives from where we stand in the present, often with regret and see that we should have accepted that invitation. 

The past is over.  It can only provide insight into how we might have been limiting our greatness then, and how we may be doing the same now.  Questions arise. Why weren’t you willing to step into more greatness at that time?  Why weren’t you feeling worthy of more happiness, more success, more love?  How are you limiting yourself now from being as bright and beautiful and big as you can be?

You were born for greatness.  You were born with unique and beautiful gifts to offer the world. The universe is a creativity machine that is constantly looking for who is ready.  We just have to be awake enough to see the open door. Are you showing up to be of service to the world? Or are you shrinking back and staying small because it feels safe, like a familiar habit? 

There are various ways that this might show up.

You try every diet that you come across and they work for a while but ultimately stop working which makes you feel even worse because you failed yet again at losing weight.  Is there a belief from the past that you are a fat, unattractive, unlovable person because you were a chubby kid and were ridiculed for it? 

 A friend or colleague introduces you to a potential romantic interest.  You try going out on a date or two but decide to discontinue the association because you feel uncomfortable every time you’re with him, you’re just not ready, or he just isn’t what you are looking for.  Was there a message that you internalized from the past that you are just not good enough and therefore not worthy of love?

 You feel unsatisfied or even miserable in your current job but the idea of changing careers feels too daunting. Much easier to just stay where you are instead of taking the risk at trying something new.  Is what is really holding you back, the fact that you feel like a failure and don’t deserve to be happy anyway?

No matter what your situation is, if it sounds anything like these common examples, then there is something in you that believes you’re not good enough. You keep telling yourself that same old story and it keeps you small.  Staying small is the ego mind keeping us from being our greatest selves. Why is the ego mind so resistant to you standing in your full light?  Why is the ego intent on you not being that big?  Because being in your fullest, most beautiful greatness is ego-less and the ego is needs you to need it!

You must clear up the past – despair will continue until YOU change, until you awaken. Opportunities will present themselves and you won’t be able to see them.

Awaken.  What does that mean anyway? Life presents opportunities yet you cannot see them or deny your readiness for them because you are still holding pain from the past.  Our thoughts from pain in our past are blocking us from seeing the opportunities for more love, more success, more happiness. Waking up means clearing the windshield of dirty past pain so that we can see all of the beauty and blessings within and around us. The more abundance that we acknowledge, the more abundance shows up for us.  This is the benevolence of our universe.

To clean the glass of dirty pain, question every thought that causes you suffering.  Trace it back to where it might be coming from in your past.  Self-limiting thoughts are the stories we tell and retell in our heads about a circumstance in the past, reliving it over and over and over, each time believing the lie that we aren’t loveable, or smart enough, or thin enough, or good enough.  It’s time to wake up. Forgive whoever was involved, but mostly forgive yourself.

Tune into your body’s wisdom.  If the story is causing you pain then it is not true.  Question and disbelieve any thought or story that is causing you pain, emotional or physical.  Come up with as many reasons as you can think of to prove to the inner critics in your mind just how untrue that old story is.  First notice the pain, then identify the thought you had or the story you were telling yourself just before the painful sensation occurred.  Write it down.  Ask yourself if it’s true. Write down as many examples that you can think of for why it isn’t true, right now, in this moment.

And meditate.  Meditation is the easiest and most effective way to get out of your thoughts and get in touch with your essential self, the beautiful radiant light that is you and is nothing less than perfect.

“The past is over, it can touch me not.”  (A Course in Miracles.) We bring the past as baggage into all of our relationships, experiences and business endeavors. What we need to learn is how to walk forward courageously into your life, free of the past. This way the past is no longer the glass through which we look at our lives. The past must be forgiven to be gone. Every time you beat yourself up for something in the past, then you are stuck there, not moving forward.

If you are thinking – I wish something good would happen to me! Then you need to hone yourself, prepare yourself so that when it comes, you are ready!  You can see it in front of you and you are able to accept the invitation.  In this way you will greet the future with the most self-loving, self-accepting voice that you can.

The transition we are in on Planet Earth – is that we are moving from living from the outside in to living from the inside out. 

Shine your light brightly my beloveds.

Tricia is a Martha Beck Life Coach, Registered Herbalist and Clinical Nutritionist, working with women, men and teens who may be challenged by a recent life transition or catalytic event - entry into the workforce, divorce, empty nest, retirement, illness, or the loss of an identity. She helps her clients to find confidence, remove blocks, and gain clarity. Tricia’s laser coaching will help you turn life’s messes into magic so that you can understand and navigate the next steps, move forward successfully, and deliver on the beautiful legacy that only you can bring to the world.

 http://www.triciaacheatel.com/life-coaching/

Is Enlightenment A Myth?

by Tricia Acheatel, AHG, CCN

The term enlightenment is the western translation of the Buddhist term bodhi which means awakening.  Is enlightenment only accessible to the masters, a myth for the rest of us? No, I don't believe it is. So how do we become enlightened then?  Enlightenment is never far away and out of reach in each and every moment. It is freedom here and now, to be tasted whenever we are able to open to it.  A choice in each moment. Some touch what Buddhadasa called “everyday nirvana.” Others come to know a deep purity of mind and to experience a taste of liberation directly.

I recently attended a retreat where I was blessed to be able to witness suffering as a pathway to enlightenment. As humans we suffer and because of that pain, we search for enlightenment, to awaken from the suffering. The grasping and yearning for enlightenment only then leads to more suffering as we see how we fall short. Over and over. 

There are four paths or stages to enlightenment, according to Buddhist philosophy. What I witnessed is one of these four paths, the path of Kensho. Inspiration allows for a subtle shift in perception about how we view the shame, guilt or pain of our past. We are able to see the stories we have been telling ourselves over and over about something that happened in the past.  This event or series of events no longer exist however we relive it every day or multiple times each day by reliving the thoughts or beliefs about ourselves because of that event, beliefs we emphatically accept as truth.  

When we begin to examine the thoughts that we previously believed to be true beyond questioning, for a lifetime, we begin to see that we are not our thoughts. A crack of light enters where only darkness resided.  Hope expands.  Freedom.  We realize in that moment that enlightenment was always there as a choice. Kensho literally means seeing into one's own nature.  

Byron Katie is an American speaker and author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as "The Work of Byron Katie" or simply as "The Work".  While in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, Byron Katie experienced a life-changing realization: "I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment."

The Buddha declares, “If it were not possible to free the heart from entanglement, I would not teach you to do so. Just because it is possible to free the heart, there arise the teachings of the Dharma of liberation, offered openhandedly for the welfare of all beings.” We suffer in order to awaken.  The gift of suffering is to make it unbearable NOT to be who you truly are.

Suffering is a path to enlightenment and is one of the most effective ways to dissolve ego-based identities. To continue to exist, yet not exist in the same way, ever again. As we allow ourselves to shine a light on our deepest fears, based in shame or guilt, and allow them, we begin to disbelieve these closely held beliefs about ourselves.  Here begins the process of self-acceptance.  The grip that the thoughts or beliefs based in past circumstances have on our present moment begins to loosen and light begins to shine in the inner most parts of that which we haven't been willing to look at or allow anyone else to see.  Bit by bit, the fear begins to dissipate and the space created allows for light and joy and self-love to enter. We discover our enlightenment. Simply a matter of what thoughts we choose to believe, not as the mind but as the wise one, the watcher, the higher self.  It has always been there.

Enlightenment tastes free. The truth feels light.  If your thoughts feel sad or heavy in your body then they are a lie.  Your body is the ultimate truth barometer.  The next time you notice your chest tighten or your gut sink, pay attention to what your last thought was. Ask yourself if you can be absolutely sure that thought is true.  The more you are aware of and question the ticker tape of thoughts going across your mind, the more you will be free. Let the warmth of the truth of your beauty come in.  There is within you an invincable summer. 

I have come to a point of truth in my life.  This is my manifesto - I have suffered enough!  I will follow my joy now!  

May your path be blessed with love.

Tricia is a Martha Beck Life Coach, Registered Herbalist and Clinical Nutritionist, working with women, men and teens who may be challenged by a recent life transition or catalytic event - entry into the workforce, divorce, empty nest, retirement, illness, or the loss of an identity. She helps her clients to find confidence, remove blocks, and gain clarity. Tricia’s laser coaching will help you turn life’s messes into magic so that you can understand and navigate the next steps, move forward successfully, and deliver on the beautiful legacy that only you can bring to the world.

 http://www.triciaacheatel.com/life-coaching/